I am old and ate cheese

My super hot friend Baroness Rinny von Hottenberg turned 23 for the first time this weekend and her mother asked me to make her an amazing dinner. We had steak which was ok but the real highlight of the evening from was the cheese.

Oh, yes.

Their local food cooperative is close to rural/terrifying Vermont where America’s favorite classist institution of higher education is located along with some amazing cheese makers. After a lot of amazing cheese gazing we settled on some garlic cheese from Grafton Village and Bailey Hazen Blue from Jasper Hill.

Fatness.

If you don’t like blue cheeses you should give Bailey Hazen a whirl because it is very mild and not very bleu-cheezy. Oh yes. And you will love it.

I’m tired. Will one of you make me coffee?

StufZ Burger Review

I’m old and miserable. That should come as no surprise to the two bots who read this blog. The other weekend my gorgeous friend and I decided to experiment with the StufZ Burger Press. It was fun.

I had this amazing delusion that the StufZ Burger Press would allow me to turn ground beef into an amazing vessel for culinary wonder and delight. I was nominally correct.

StufZ Burger Press Review

 

My goal was to take what I learned in the fancy online Harvard food science (that I failed) and apply it to stuffing ground beef full of flavor.

StufZ Burger Press Recipes

Kraft Dinner Stuffed Burger

I made mac and cheeze from a box and put it into the burger. I was hoping it would be amazing and a canadian delicacy worthy of publication in Canada’s most popular food blogs. It was not.

Tater Tot Burger

What would happen if I stuffed a burger full of cheese and tater tots? The answer is deliciousness. Do this and do it often and you will be very happy. Also, probably fat.

Inside Burger 

I thought it would be fun to deconstruct the burger and take everything that you would normally put on top of the burger and use the StufZ Burger Press to put it inside. Yum! This burger was actually pretty awesome. Next time I’d add more relish to the StufZ Burger Press recipe.

Brie & Onions

This StufZ Burger Press was pure class. Caramelized onions and generic brie were pretty fantastic in this StufZ Burger Press recipe.  Yum.com

 

StufZ Burger Press Tips

Ok. Our first attempt at using the StufZ Burger Press was a huge failure comparable to the launch of Crystal Pepsi. I would highly recommend watching a video on youtube on how to use the StufZ Burger Press because it isn’t as easy as it might seem. I would also recommend using low fat ground beef because otherwise you will have a grease disaster on your hands.

TL:DR: StufZ Burger Press is pretty awesome but watch an instructional video before you use it and use low fat ground beef.

Don’t Touch My Cheese!

I’m old, irritable and lactose intolerant but I love fancy cheese. Fancy cheese is also the backbone of the economy where I live and killing the gourmet cheese market would destroy the economy of northern New England. A few years ago the price for wholesale milk collapsed in New England and to survive many small farms turned to producing artisan cheese to stay alive because they could sell cheese for a lot more money than milk. Now that the FDA has decided to go all nuts on cheese producers using wooden boards for aging we are in a whole lot of trouble.

Why you should care about artisan cheese!

Many artisan cheese producers are located in blue states or in regions of swing states that typically elect democrats.

Artisan cheese production is pretty much the only reason small farms exist in New England.

I enjoy  Velveeta but savor the cheese made by my neighbors.

The death of artisan cheese means the death of small farms which means small farms turn into housing developments. No.

I’m trolling the cheese making department of a small Vermont college I perceive as toxic and classist. If artisan cheese goes away,  I won’t be able to do that. 

I said so.

 

 

Curry Cheese Toast

I’m old and bitter. It is possible that I  met Escoffier himself on my 10,000th birthday. Maybe.

 

Because, I’m old, I love me some cheese toast. Yum!

Episco Cheese Toast Delight

Pieces of Bread

Generic processed cheese.

Yellow curry powder

Smoked salt

Bitterness

 

Apply your favorite generic processed cheese food product to your wonderbread style carbs and toast to your liking. Sprinkle on some yellow curry powder and follow with a little bit of smoked salt.

Delish!

 

 

 

I started salting my coffee because I’m awesome

Salt in your coffee! Gross, right? WRONG!!!

 

HUGE WRONG!!!

 

I started salting my coffee after failing my Harvard food science class. The salt does a better job of masking the bitterness of coffee while actually enhancing the flavor you are supposed to be able to taste.  The key is to add salt a little at a time so that you don’t end up drinking java flavored dead sea water. I usually do just a few grinds of sea salt but my salt grinder. It will surprise you how amazing it tastes.

Eating Spruce: Not Again

Ugh. I really, really wanted to be as epic as Rene Redzepi and use spruce as a flavoring in some sort of amazing hyperlocal dish but my stomach hates it.

Like, really, really detests eating spruce.

*curls up into a ball and begs for death*

Basically, foraging is awesome but just remember that just because you can forage for it doesn’t mean you should actually eat it.

 

 

Don’t order the cheap steak

Recently, I found myself with my family at a local steakhouse of nominal renown. They are known for their steaks, old bay shrimp and ancient clientele. I decided I would be frugal and order one of the less expensive steak options on the menu and it was a huge failure.

Continue reading



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...