I’m old and tired which means it is time for elderly person spa time!
Elderly spa time is when I take cheapo drugstore spa products and use them to buff my ancient physicality into something that might appear youthful. If, you are blind.
Wooohooo! My hoyer lift is ready!
Abrasives by Aveeno.
I start first by using some sort of rough material to scrape the outermost layer of antiquity from my body. I could use sandpaper but because of a potential for blood loss I use a fancy exfoliant. Most exfoliants have tons of micro-abrasives that are horrible for the environment. Avoid those. I like to use Aveeno skincare products because they are cheap and don’t smell too horrible. Their positively nourishing smoothing body wash has brown rice and nut shells which is allegedly better for the environment. I guess the skin underneath is younger.
TJmaxx and Ahava
After I have removed my outer husk, I need to moisturize the skin underneath. I like to apply an Ahava butter salt so that I smell good and feel soft to the touch. Ahava isn’t cheap but you can usually find it at TJmaxx. AVOID ALL OTHER SPA PRODUCTS AT TJMAXX. This is probably the only thing I ever splurge on.
Smell Like Cake
If I’m hungry, I will use Palmer’s Coco Butter formula from Kinney drugs because it smells like cake. Chocolate, if you were wondering. It is also perfect if you are elderly because the ingredients listed in large print are actually the ingredients listed in small print. Just don’t eat yourself.
I am old.